


Lost my Way

by DJBunn3



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Blue Prompt, Day 1 - False Start, FOR THE FUTURE, M/M, Rinharu Week 2016, finding dreams, for the team, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:49:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7695391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJBunn3/pseuds/DJBunn3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He grabs one of the little pebbles from the ground and scratches For the Team into his brick until his fingertips are sore. It looks so out of place against the rest of the bricks, and he wonders why it doesn’t feel like it did last time. Last time it had meaning: he swam for his team, and for himself, because he loved it.<br/>This time the words are empty, and he thinks he might have wasted his passion early on. A false start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost my Way

**Author's Note:**

> If this doesn't make sense to you, For the Team is kind of the past, or Season 1, and it's about Haru losing his dream after Rin leaves, and For the Future is about Rin helping Haru recover his dream in Season 2. It's a little more chaotic than I'd like it to be, but I'm lazy so here it is anyway.

_ For the Team - Haru _

Haru comes back once, over the summer of his middle school years, to the tree. It looks like it’s withering because of the heat, and most of the petals have fallen and been blown away by the wind.

Another thing that’s different: the bricks have long since been washed of their words. His message, and Makoto’s and Rin’s, (and Nagisa’s, because he’d insisted on scratching something in the brick next to Makoto’s with chalk) have all disappeared, lost to the weather and age.

He wonders what that says about them.

There’s a soda can on the little brick wall, crushed and lying on its side like a soldier waiting to die on the battlefield. It feels like a violation of their sacred space. Haru picks it up and pockets it.

Before he stands up again, he looks at his brick, the one he wrote on. He can still remember exactly which one it is, and he’s betting that Makoto can, too. Rin’s probably forgotten all about the stupid tree.

Stupid Rin.

He grabs one of the little pebbles from the ground and scratches  _ For the Team _ into his brick until his fingertips are sore. It looks so out of place against the rest of the bricks, and he wonders why it doesn’t feel like it did last time. Last time it had meaning: he swam for his team, and for himself, because he loved it.

This time the words are empty, and he thinks he might have wasted his passion early on. A false start.

 

_ For the Future - Haru _

He had kept telling himself that he had a few more years. Nothing to worry about, because he wasn’t ordinary yet, not even close.

Now he’s running out of time fast, and he doesn’t even know where to begin. College? Dreams? Future? It all seems too intimidating to handle.

Hiding seems like his best option right now, and that’s exactly what he does. He refuses to talk about his dreams because in truth, he doesn’t have any and he’s damn  _ terrified _ . What’s supposed to happen after high school? Where does he go from there?

What does he swim for?

 

_ For the Team - Haru _

In ninth grade they’re supposed to think about what they want to be when they grow up. Not like they did when they were kids coloring firemen and superheroes and playing pretend, no, they’re supposed to really  _ think _ about it.

Their teacher passes out little white note cards with  _ When I graduate, I’m going to… _ written on the subject line.

Haru stares at his card for most of the class period, even when they move on to different things. When the teacher collects them at the end of the period, his card is still blank.

After that Makoto tries to help him. He brings swim club flyers to school every day and attempts to sell Haru on the joys of swimming for a team.

Haru already knows those joys too well.

 

_ For the Future - Rin _

Rin knows what he’s doing after high school. He’s going to get scouted, swim his way to the top, and become Japan’s Olympic champion, just like his dad had dreamed before their family.

He wants Haru to be there with him.

See, here’s the thing. Haru’s  _ competitive, _ and he’s  _ talented _ . He has everything it takes to be an Olympic swimmer, and he turns up his nose because he wants to swim free. Being free doesn’t mean he can’t be a competitive swimmer, Rin thinks.

He’s seen it before. He’s seen Haru at his best, soaring over him for just a second at the relay. It was just like their first relay together, before Rin left and fucked everything into the dirt. And now he’s here to fix it.

He knows what Haru will become after high school. Haru just needs to realize it.

 

_ For the Future - Haru _

They won’t leave him alone now.

Haru knows he’s running out of time, so why does everyone have to keep reminding him?

For the team?

What will he swim for when the team is gone?

 

_ For the Team - Rin _

He’s never seen anyone like him.

Rin was the best swimmer he’d ever met until Haruka fucking Nanase waltzed into his life. He’s a little jealous and a little put out and a lot determined to beat him.

And from then on, he swims for that reason.

 

_ For the Team - Haru _

Rin is back.

Rin is back. Rin is back.

Rin is here in Iwatobi.

Rin is different.

And Haru still can’t remember why it is that he swims.

 

_ For the Team - Rin _

Rin congratulates Haru on their win, because he knows they couldn’t have done it without him.

“I’m a little jealous,” he admits. “You’re so good, Nanase, I could never beat you.”

Haru blinks. “I don’t swim to win,” he says. “I swim for the team.”

“What? Of course you swim to win. We  _ all _ swim to win.”

“No.” Haru shakes his head, and a look of wonder crosses his face. “I swim to be free. When I’m swimming, I can hear it. I can  _ see _ it.”

“What’s  _ it _ ?” Rin asks, his eyes big and round. The corner of Haru’s mouth quirks up a bit.

“My dream,” he says. “My world.”

“I don’t understand,” Rin says. “The world isn’t in front of you, it’s under your feet.”

The look on Haru’s face quickly vanishes. “I can’t explain it,” he says. “I don’t quite understand it myself.”

Rin laughs, mostly for his own benefit. “You’re weird, Nanase.”

Haru shrugs and turns away. “Whatever.”

When he leaves, Rin can’t quite get those words out of his head.

 

_ For the Future - Haru _

When he’s standing on that starting block, thousands of miles away from his tiny little home town, he sees it again. Not the light he sees when he swims, no.

He sees  _ it _ . Rin.

And he remembers why it is that he swims.

 

_ For the Team - Haru _

They roll around in the dirt and shout until they’re out of breath. And until Rin sees the words Haru’s written in the dirt under the tree.

And he understands why Rin’s so angry.

“I want to swim with you guys again,” Rin sobs, and Haru believes him.  _ Was that so hard, now? _ he wants to say, but he doesn’t because he knows it actually  _ was _ . This whole time, Rin’s been fighting with himself, trying to find his own path again.

It’s hard to recover a dream when it’s lost, but not impossible.

“Come on, Rin,” he says, and for a minute they’re back under the cherry blossom petals and he holds out his hand and Rin takes it and everything makes sense.

“I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before.”

 

_ For the Future - Rin _

“Do you know, now?” Rin asks quietly. Haru nods.

“I do,” he replies. “Why I swim, who I swim for. I lost my way before, but I remember now.”

“Good,” Rin says. “You’re back on track.”


End file.
